We’re back. We’ve unloaded our bags. We’ve distributed most of our gifts to friends and family, and we’ve sort of found a routine. Sort of. If you’ve read about our last days in Budapest, this post is more about the overall assessment of our short-term expat experience (aka semester abroad) in Budapest.
Friends have asked us, “So, how was it?” “What was it like?” “Would you do it again?”
The short answer is – no.
While we enjoyed seeing the beautiful architecture, embedding ourselves in Hungary’s rich culture, and traveling other parts of Eastern Europe, the student life aspect of caring and maintaining the safety, health, and well-being of 18 students was quite stressful. While many adjusted to living abroad well, others had a much more difficult time adjusting, which stressed out other students and caused some strife within the ranks. You could say that is to be expected, which is true.
Going to a public state-run hospital was one of the toughest moments for our student and for us. Taking turns with Prof with day shift and night shift duties to support the student in a Hungarian hospital took a huge toll on our family. The boys were hit the hardest, while Prof and I barely hung on by a thread. I lost my temper and cool when the stress was too much, and the boys could see it. I had to be honest, especially with Piano Man, and tell him that ummah is stressed and that I needed his help to be there for Linus and me. Piano Man stepped up the challenge and was such a strong boy in the process and helped where he could.
Prof had to go to the police station a couple of times for petty theft, which is never easy in a foreign country. I’ll leave it at that.
But there were redeeming moments.
Here are five things I learned about us and about Hungary:
1. Hungary is a complicated place.
Every country is. Don’t be fooled by the beautiful Pinterest photos and assume every place you will visit is perfect, magical, and beautiful. Yes, the architecture here is gorgeous. No doubt about it, but when you get into the lives, the history, and culture, you will see its imperfections.
Hungary was on the wrong side of WWI and WWII, and the ramifications are evident in the present. Over 400,000 Hungarian-Jews were deported to Auschwitz. You cannot erase history; yet, when you read the about Hungary’s involvement in the Holocaust at the Hungarian National Museum, it tells a narrative that Hungary’s leadership had little power or control. However, when you walk through Auschwitz, there is an entire building space dedicated the story, the history, and details of this dark past about Hungary and working with the Nazis during WWII.
Then there is Hungary’s period of communism and how Hungary tried to revolt against the former U.S.S.R. on October 23rd, 1956. The former Soviet Union crushed the spirits of the Hungarians who thought they successfully overthrew the communist regime.
You can feel the sadness and dark cloud looming over the older generations who had experienced so much during Communism.
2. Linus can read.
As a mother, this is probably the most amazing thing. With your first-born, you are there for every first and every detail of their lives. But when it comes to dealing with baby #2, #3, #4, etc. you start to lose count. It’s true. Prof said not to worry about Linus reading at a later age than Piano Man, so I didn’t.
But when Katie, one of our college students, said, “Hey Betty, did you know that Linus can read?” I said, “What?!?… No…” She said, “Come look.” The students took turns asking Linus to read different directions on the hostel check-in board at the front desk.
That was the moment when I learned that Linus could read – at the hostel front desk in Belgrade, Serbia.
3. Our boys bonded with college students.
Prof took the students on their first excursion to Croatia. I thought it would be better for the students to enjoy their time sans kids. But after Croatia, they kept asking if we would be joining them on the excursions. From that point on, we went with the student on every excursion from Vienna to Krakow and Belgrade. While Prof and I took turns caring for the students, they were taking turns caring for our boys. We bonded and became a very large 22-person family.
And the bond was deep. So deep that when Linus was waiting at the bus stop after the end-of-the-semester party was over, he cried a deep loud cry that was heard from at least two blocks down or three, if the traffic noises quieted down. That was how much our students meant to our children.
4. I bonded with the students.
I met each of the female college students, room by room, at different coffee shops around the city. I learned about their career interests, family life, and personal perspective about living in Budapest. I learned a lot about millennial culture too – their urban dictionary acronyms, taste in music, and personalities. And on the last night with the students, they all wanted a hug from me. As I hugged each and every single student in a circle, I started to cry. These are good kids who had grown so much over the semester. I appreciated their honesty and their perspectives on life as a student.
5. Expat friends are awesome.
Although we spent more time with our college students, and less time on our own adult friendships, we found friendships with Prof’s colleagues and parents from our boys’ international school.
We also found friendship at a Korean church with two Koreans similar to our stage in life. We traveled to Lake Balaton together. We made ate popcorn and drank coffee at Starbucks at Allee Mall together. We played video games together. These friendships are the kind that we hope will continue on, even if it’s on social media. Until the day we meet face-to-face again, be in Europe or in the States.
Final Thoughts
I also have to thank one avid Traveling Seouls reader, fell American expat Mark, who helped me to navigate life in Budapest via the Internet.
